Burning Love: Going Up In Flames
by kbd1313
Summary: Elizabeth and Jane Bennet are coerced by their mother into participating in a reality show starring none other than the handsome and rich businessman William Darcy. Elizabeth's one goal is to be the first bachelorette to get kicked off the show. Will Mr. Darcy grant her wish or somehow convince her to stay? Elizabeth/ Darcy, Jane/ Bingley, Charlotte/ Fitzwilliam pairings.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Pride and Prejudice or "Burning Love."

* * *

**Prologue:** A very fatigued Charles Bingley sat across from his friend in a restaurant of Darcy's choosing, the Ox. Despite the fact that they were there during lunch rush on a weekday, the upscale restaurant was relatively quiet. It was for this reason that Darcy chose it. He liked peace, and knowing Charles as he did, he didn't want to end up in some place where the waiters had to shout because children were running around or everybody was too peppy. Happy people annoyed him most of the time; the obvious exception sat on the other side of the table, nervously tapping his fork against his plate.

Darcy was not the most observant man. Nobody had ever accused him of being attuned to people's feeling. But Darcy did start to notice things about Charles that were very different than the norm. His usually energetic friend had a lethargy about him that was disconcerting, to say the least. The effects of stress were clear. Charles's eyes had large bags underneath them and the smile that was plastered on his face was wilting. Darcy missed the bubbly Charles, the man that had rainbows coming out of his ass and a smile that could cheer a prisoner on death row. Darcy was accustomed to the numerous pressures of work, but Charles was obviously not.

Charles finally broke the silence that was weighing around them like smog. "Darcy, I have a very big favor to ask."

William Darcy looked up in expectation. "Anything, Charles. You know that."

Bingley shifted uncomfortably. "You know my job is everything to me. I believe in this show. It could make or break my career. Just keep these things in mind."

Darcy nodded slowly and Charles felt encouraged to continue, taking a deep breath. "The network is thinking about canceling the show. The bachelor we had canceled because of a family emergency."

Darcy looked at his friend in pity... and a little confusion. "I thought your ratings were fantastic?"

"They've been steadily declining over the past couple of seasons."

"So what do you need me to do?"

"Basically, I need to find another bachelor. One who's attractive and rich, preferably."

Darcy pulled out his phone. "Okay, I can look around. I mean how hard would it be to..."

Darcy trailed off as he saw the look on Bingley's face. It was his puppy dog look. His wide eyes and trembling lower lip were at odds with the manipulative side that Darcy felt was lurking beneath his innocent exterior.

"No."

"But Darcy-"

"Please don't make me do this."

"There's another thing..."

"What?" Darcy questioned with a sense of doom.

"They cut some of the funding. We don't have anywhere to shoot it. Usually we shoot it in a very nice mansion..."

"No!"

"Darcy, please!"

"Let me get this straight. You want me to star in your show _and_ use my house. Why, Bingley, why?"

"You know what this show means to me, Darcy!"

Darcy held his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. "Damn you, Charles Bingley. I'll do it, but I refuse to be happy about it."

* * *

Elizabeth Bennet sighed as she looked at the caller id. In big bold print the word "Mom" was sprawled across her screen, accompanied by the music from the Psycho shower scene. She pressed accept and held the phone a couple of inches from her ear.

"Elizabeth Artemis Bennet!"

"Hello, mother."

"Have you been ignoring my calls?"

Elizabeth denied the accusation while nodding her head and raising her eyebrows. "I have not-"

"Never mind. That's not the reason why I called."

Elizabeth stared at the phone in shock. Her mother actually getting to the point? Only bad things could happen.

"Elizabeth, are you familiar with the show 'Burning Love'?"

"No, mother. I've been living under a rock."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Elizabeth. But I have great news."

"I know I'm going to regret asking, but what is it?"

"I sent in two applications. One for you and one for Jane. They accepted both of them! They start filming in a month. The casting director was very excited to have you two on the show."

Elizabeth responded with as much sarcasm as she could possibly muster. "Oh, that's great news Mom! Of course I'll leave my company for an extended period of time to be on a reality show filled with fake bimbos and air-headed men!"

Elizabeth then lowered her voice to convey her seriousness. "Mother, listen to me carefully. I refuse to go on a reality show to find love. The idea is ridiculous! I do have _some_ self- respect. And despite what you may or may not believe, I am perfectly capable of finding a husband on my own."

"Do you want me to die without grandchildren? I knew you were going to be stubborn! That's why I'm prepared to make a deal."

Elizabeth pressed the phone closer to her ear, curious as to what her mother could offer her.

"I'm listening."

Mrs. Bennet's southern drawl was subdued as she turned on her negotiating voice. "If you go on the show and actually _try," _here she dramatically paused, "I will never mention your love life again."

Elizabeth did not contemplate this decision for very long, or at all. "Deal."

* * *

**Author's Note: The title of this story is from the Yahoo web series, "Burning Love" which is a parody of "The Bachelor." Even if you don't follow this story, I hope you watch the series because it's hilarious! **

**So please follow/favorite/review, and if you have any questions don't hesitate to PM me. The next chapter is almost finished, so hopefully I'll be posting it next Friday. Have a good weekend!**


	2. Destination: Love

**Destination: Love**

* * *

"Read the big sign at the airport  
Bienvenue from Hell, mon amour...

Passengers with destination to Hell  
Please proceed to your gate, we are ready to board now."

- "Mon Amour" by Shakira

* * *

Elizabeth pressed the phone between her shoulder and ear, pulling up her dress and listening intently as her assistant talked on the other line. She was nothing if not a multitasker.

"Oh, and one more thing Ms. Bennet, rumor has it that Rushmore is looking into another firm."

Elizabeth breathed out slowly, not wanting to take her anger out on her faithful employee. "Okay, here's what you're going to do. Tell Henry to call him and set up a business dinner. Rushmore loves sports... and women. So have Henry bring along a date. Someone pretty but who you can also have a conversation with. Lord knows there's probably someone that fits that description in the harem of women he's constantly surrounded with."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as she recalled Mr. Crawford. Thank God she had made it very clear when he started working for her that there was to be absolutely no office romances where he was concerned. She didn't need anybody getting distracted... or pregnant. "Tell him to take Rushmore to the most expensive restaurant he can think of, and engage him in a conversation about football... or basketball... or water polo, whatever the hell he seems interested in. If he likes a team in particular, tell Crawford to mention that he can get tickets. Don't make it seem rehearsed. And mention that if he gets this account, that there might be a promotion in the near future. Clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now remember that if there's an emergency to contact me immediately. Forward me all important emails and I'll try to be there as soon as possible."

"Will do. And Lizzie?"

"Yes?"

"Good luck."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes again, and the image of her mother scolding her when she was younger popped into her head. "Trust me. I'll be there a week, tops."

"But I thought they were filming for a month?"

"They are, but I plan on getting kicked off really soon."

Courtney gasped in mock indignation. "Elizabeth Bennet, you are going to be the worse contestant ever."

Elizabeth chuckled. "You know it. Anyways, remember what I said."

"I'll go tell Henry now."

"Don't fall prey to his charms now, Courtney."

"Don't worry about it. I'm wearing granny-panties."

Elizabeth sighed before hanging up. That man was a big asset to her company. His numerous _attractions_ helped bring in some big clients, specifically if they were women, but he was also a curse. She had to constantly watch him to make sure he didn't dip his pen in the company ink. Elizabeth took one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs to meet Jane. She was responding to emails on her phone as she was walking, so she didn't see Jane until she glanced up to greet her.

"Well aren't you the picture of perfection?"

Jane laughed at her sister's familiar expression. "Elizabeth, you look lovely also. New dress?"

"Why, yes. Yes it is. I just never get to wear it to work. The boss is a stickler for dress code," Elizabeth responded with sarcasm dripping from her words.

Jane's pretty little laugh filled the air, and several passing men glanced her way. "You're so silly, Lizzie. Hurry though. I would hate to miss our flight."

Elizabeth huffed, still trying to resign herself to her fate. They entered the car, and Elizabeth decided to grill Jane over her boyfriend. Jane had been keeping him a secret from their mother, which may be the reason why said mother felt the need to put her daughters on a dating show.

"So, Janie, how's John doing?"

Jane does not often surprise Elizabeth (on the contrary, she's usually the most predictable person), but her response caused Elizabeth to gasp.

Jane laughed bitterly. "That asshole? Congratulate me. Cause we're officially done."

Elizabeth reached over for Jane's hand. "What happened, sweetie?"

Jane breathed deeply, readying herself for her sister's reaction.

"Well, you know how we were going to that charity gala? We were sitting at this table with a couple of his coworkers and talking about politics when I mentioned Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and everybody around the table looked confused. And then the douche-bag had the audacity to turn to me and say, 'Sweetie, stop making people up.' Excuse me if nobody else at the table knew who the fracking Supreme Court Justices are! I'm not going to fake ignorance just because he doesn't bother paying attention to anything not related to himself. I mean, I'm a teacher. If I pretend not to know anything just because I don't want to upstage my boyfriend, how could I possibly be a role model for my female students? I'm sick of men who just see me as somebody to show off, Lizzie. I want so much more in a relationship."

Jane finished her tirade and turned to her sister, who was currently thinking of ways to take out her anger at Jane's treatment on the asshole in question.

"Oh, Janie. There's no doubt in my mind that you'll find Mr. Right soon. Just have a little patience."

Jane nodded and they stepped out of the car. They had finally arrived at the airport, and Elizabeth slipped the ticket for their parking space into her bag._ We should have gotten someone to drive us here, _Elizabeth thought. But after picturing her mother's frantic face and what last minute advice she would have given to them (_Lizzie, dear, make sure to use your breasts to your advantage. Here, I got you a push up bra. Not that you need it, but just in case you decide to show them off a little_), she decided that maybe driving themselves there was for the best. Elizabeth loved her mother, but sometimes that woman drove her crazy.

Elizabeth loved airports. Yes, it spite of the long lines, the irritated passengers with delayed flights, the crappy food- it was easily one of her favorite places. She traveled a lot for work, so she knew in advance to bring earplugs, snack food, and a good book. It didn't hurt that she usually flew first class.

But the best part was people watching. There were the usual stereotypes: the angry business man, the couple with those really loud toddlers, the naive newlyweds about to embark on the journey of life. Those weren't the people that interested her. It was the people that seemed out of place. The old man who acted as if he had all the time in the world, the single mother with her baby, the young woman who looks... wait she looks lost. Elizabeth walked over to the girl who was currently standing in the middle of the crowd, looking terrified.

"Sweetie, are you okay?"

The woman jumped, then relaxed as she took in Elizabeth's appearance. "I'm in a little lost. DFW is very big."

"That is it. What gate are you looking for?"

The girl glanced down at her ticket. "A31."

"Flight 137 to Palm Beach?"

The girl nodded eagerly. "Yes."

"Well it's right over here. You can come sit with me and my sister if you want."

The girl nodded again with a vigor that made Elizabeth believe that she may have been having a minor panic attack before she approached her.

"By the way, my name's Elizabeth."

"I'm Georgiana."

"And over here is my angelic sister, Jane. I'm convinced we're not related (she's just too perfect), but my mother swears up and down that we're not adopted, so there goes that theory."

Jane blushed prettily. "Oh hush, Lizzie. Hello there Georgiana, I'm Jane Bennet. What brings you to Palm Beach?"

Georgiana ducked her head before replying shyly. "I'm visiting family. I'm actually from Florida, but I go to school here."

Elizabeth surveyed her expensive clothing. "SMU?"

People just kept surprising Elizabeth today. Georgiana shook her head. "Actually I attend the University of Texas at Dallas. My brother offered to pay for me anywhere I went, but I wanted to support myself and I had a full ride there..."

Elizabeth's respect for Georgiana grew. She opened her mouth to question her further, but was interrupted by the flight attendant's announcement.

"We are now boarding first class."

Elizabeth and Jane got up reluctantly. "Well, that's us."

Georgiana smiled sadly. "It was nice meeting ya'll."

"You too, Georgiana," Jane responded. They walked away just in time to hear Georgiana's utterance. "Jeez, I'm really starting to sound like a Texan."

They boarded and Elizabeth felt a twinge of guilt as Georgiana passed by them. She looked uncomfortable next to the rather... uh _large_ man on her right and as the pilot announced the take-off time, Georgiana clenched her armrests in fear. Elizabeth leaned over to tell Jane her plan. "Janie, I'm going to ask Georgiana if she wants to switch seats with me. Promise me you'll calm her down. Her grip on those armrests make my hands hurt."

Jane gently pushed Elizabeth down as she went to get up. "Don't be ridiculous, Lizzie. She seems to be more comfortable with you. I'll trade seats. I can start on my lesson plans for next year."

And before Elizabeth could protest, Jane was already approaching Georgiana. She watched as Georgiana leaned back, shaking her head vehemently at Jane's question. Jane then pointed at Elizabeth, who smiled eagerly, and Georgiana reluctantly got up from her seat. Jane look satisfied as she sat down, triumph evident on her face. Or as evident as it is to someone proficient in the expressions of Jane Bennet.

"Hey, Elizabeth. This really isn't necessary. I'll be okay..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Georgiana. Sit," Elizabeth said, using an authoritative tone. She didn't want to pressure Georgiana, but she instinctively knew that Georgiana was just declining her invitation because she was polite. Georgiana sat down and as the pilot announced take off, her eyes widened and her breathing became shallow. Elizabeth was never good at comforting people (that was more Jane's domain), but she knew how to distract somebody. So, she said the first thing that came to mind.

"You know what action movies had made me realize?"

Georgiana looked at her in confusion at the abrupt change in topic. "What's that?"

Elizabeth smiled at Georgiana before continuing. "That if my life depended on my running ability, I'd be the first one to die!"

Elizabeth cringed at her attempt at a joke, but was relieved when Georgiana giggled a little. Great, she had gotten a pity laugh.

"What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?"

"What?"

"The cold shoulder!"

Georgiana laughed heartily at Elizabeth's lame joke, and Elizabeth felt a bit of success. The plane had begun to roll down the runway, and Georgiana had loosened her death grip on the chair.

"A piece of broccoli and a carrot were walking through the forest when a farmer stepped on the carrot. His friend rushed him to the hospital and when the doctor came into the waiting room, asked, 'Is he going to survive?' And the doctor responded gravely, 'He is, but he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.'"

Elizabeth continued on this vein until they were up in the air, and Georgiana breathed easily again as the plane settled.

"Sorry about that. Planes aren't my favorite mode of transportation."

"That's okay, Georgiana. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself? We still have 3 hours to go."

"Well, what would you like to talk about?"

"You said you were visiting family?"

"Yes; usually I live with my brother but he'll be having guests over, so I'll be staying with my aunt and uncle."

"What's your family like?"

"My aunt and uncle are generous and funny, but my brother is the one I'm closest to." Elizabeth noticed Georgiana's eyes brightened when she talked about her brother, so she questioned her further.

"Is your brother similar to you?"

"We're both somewhat reserved, but he's a lot more confident than I am. I worry about him sometimes though... He's always working. And he rarely goes out. I wish he would date somebody already. I'm afraid that he'll have a heart attack before he hits his thirties. That and I've always wanted a sister."

"Well you can take one of mine!"

Georgiana laughed at her mock-serious tone. "How many sisters do you have?"

"Four. You've met Jane and I'm the second oldest. Then comes Mary, who is a bookworm if you've ever seen one. Honestly, some of our distant relatives don't even know what she looks like because she always has her head buried in a book. Next is Kitty, who's the most impressionable teenager you will ever meet. Last is Lydia, who flirts with anything that moves. They're a loud bunch, but you got to love them."

The flight passed quickly and in no time they were in Palm Beach International Airport. They waited patiently for their baggage and when Georgiana saw her relatives, she turned and thanked the Bennet sisters for their help. Elizabeth felt saddened that she wouldn't see Georgiana anymore, and Georgiana reciprocated the feeling. They watched her walk off with the elderly couple, and only then did Elizabeth realize that they didn't know who their ride was.

"I think they're supposed to send a driver..." Jane said while using her height to peer over the heads of the other passengers. "Ooh over there!"

They walked over to a man with a chauffeur cap and a sign that read "the Bennet sisters" and followed him to the limo. Half an hour later they were pulling up in front of a house in a secluded area by the beach. They stepped out of the car and Elizabeth had trouble controlling her lust for this house.

"Jane, if this house were a man, I would have sex with him."

Jane nodded her agreement, ignoring the driver, who was currently choking on air in surprise. The house was modernist (which wasn't usually Elizabeth's favorite style, but for this she could make an exception), and composed mostly of glass. But this wasn't what had captured her attention. The view of the beach was breathtaking, and the Bennet sisters had to restrain themselves from running to the beach and ignoring their host all together. But because they had a modicum of politeness, they ignored their wishes and entered the foyer.

Elizabeth squared her shoulders, prepared to face the air-headed bachelor and his groupies.


	3. Meeting the Contestants

**Meeting the Contestants:**

* * *

"Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back  
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl  
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back  
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl"

-Stupid Girls by Pink

* * *

The Bennet sisters walked in the house, surprised when nobody was there to greet them. Jane exchanged a shocked glance with Elizabeth, who then shrugged and began walking down the hallway to their right. They stopped when they heard voices behind a door. Elizabeth raised her hand to knock but her arm froze when she heard that the people were arguing.

"Charles, I can't believe you're making me do this. Caroline is absolutely insane and this is just the beginning!"

"These women are really beautiful, Darcy! You may meet someone you really like."

"I've seen the pictures. The only women who can even be considered pretty are Jane and Emma."

They heard a shuffling of paper, and the man named Charles responded. "What about her? Elizabeth Bennet. She's pretty, and she's very intelligent. She graduated from Harvard with a bachelor's degree in two years."

"She decent looking, but not enough to tempt me into doing this show. Screw it. I already agreed to do this. I suppose I can't back out now. I'll be by the pool."

With that they heard angry footsteps and a door slamming. Elizabeth and Jane rushed back out the hallway before they could be caught eavesdropping. Once they were back they waited for anybody to greet them. After a couple of minutes they heard a door open and somebody walking towards them.

They were met by a man with bright red hair and a contagious smile. Before he had even introduced himself, Elizabeth could see what she called _the look_. It happened whenever Jane got a new admirer. The slight gazing of the eyes, the dreamy smile, the starstruck appearance. What was even more surprising is that Jane seemed equally affected. She blushed and tilted her head down, looking at the newcomer through her eyelashes.

The man extended his hand to Jane. "I'm Charles Bingley, the host-slash-producer. You must be Jane and Elizabeth Bennet." Charles had reluctantly turned away from Jane to greet Elizabeth as well.

"Why don't you guys go outside and meet the rest of the contestants? In lieu of the formal meetings in front of the house, we opted for casual introductions by the pool."

Jane and Elizabeth took his advice and sauntered outside, where a very attractive man sat by the pool, surrounded by five women. The man, who Elizabeth surmised to be the bachelor, had black hair and blue eyes, and at the moment looked so bored by the conversation that Elizabeth almost felt sorry for him. Almost. One of the women clung to his arm, and as the Bennet sisters neared the group, they could hear the punch line of her apparently not-so-funny joke.

"And that's when I said, 'Vera, dear, that woman doesn't deserve that dress.'"

The woman smirked at her own wit, but the rest of the group didn't find the joke so amusing. One of the other women actually yawned, one erupted into a giggle that was similar to a hyena's, and the other two sat there examining their nails. Jane delicately cleared her throat to begin introductions, and that's when two men sitting on the outskirts of the group haphazardly raised their cameras up. _Wow, those cameras... in my face... disconcerting._

"I'm Jane and this is my sister, Elizabeth."

The woman draped over the bachelor held out her limp hand. "Charmed."

Elizabeth inwardly snorted in disgust. _Excuse me, Malibu Barbie, am I supposed to kiss your hand?_

"I'm Caroline, and this," she said, putting her hand on the man's chest and leaning in, "is William Darcy." The man nodded, then went back to staring at the ocean. Caroline was pretty, with her perfectly manufactured hair and flawless skin, but that condescending sneer on her face overshadowed her beauty. Elizabeth could tell she wasn't going to like her. Pity.

The other women introduced themselves without as much pomp. Louisa was just a clone of Caroline, but much quieter (thank God). Marianne looked as if she belonged in an old film. Her brunette hair was in ringlets and her bathing suit looked Marilyn Monroe-esque. Susanne (it's pronounced Suz-aaaane) sat sprawled on Darcy's other side, thrusting out her fake chest and arching her back in an attempt to catch his attention. Emma was the only genuine one in the group, and looked a startling amount like Jane. Elizabeth couldn't tell if she was a very pleasant person, or if it just seemed that way when you compared her to the other bachelorettes. Elizabeth was busy examining them when she heard a very familiar voice.

"Richard, that pick up line is so old it should be in a museum."

Elizabeth turned to see a familiar head of hair about 20 feet away, talking to a man holding a camera by his side. Elizabeth didn't hesitate to run, much to the confusion of the people she left behind.

"CHHHHARRRRLOTTTTE!" Elizabeth screamed before jumping on her old roommate. "You bitch, why didn't you tell me you would be here?"

Charlotte had turned around just in the nick of time to catch her exuberant friend. "Lizzie! Forget the bachelor and run away with me."

She giggled at her friend's dramatic statement. "Seriously though, this is quite a coincidence. What are the odds?" Elizabeth paused as the clues started coming together. "Wait a damn second. Did your mother convince you to come on here?"

Charlotte nodded her head slowly and her eyes opened wide as realization hit her. "Holy shit. Do you think they planned this?"

"Things make so much sense now. This is supposed to be some sort of competition between them?"

Charlotte gasped. "That certainly explains the bribe!"

At Elizabeth's questioning look, Charlotte bowed her head in embarrassment and blushed a little. "My mother agreed to buy me a condo if I did the show."

Elizabeth gaped at her friend, who then smiled and held her hands up defensively. "Some of us can't afford one by ourselves! What did your mom offer you?"

"She said if I did this then she wouldn't complain about my love life."

"What the hell?! I got gypped!" Charlotte exclaimed, and Elizabeth laughed at the outrage on her face.

"You most certainly did. I obviously got the better deal. So what have you been up to since you visited me last month?"

"Still thinking about killing the boss. The people in the apartment above me decided to start a band. _And_ they like to play at 2:00 AM. Yet another reason why I agreed to this. Anyways, how are you? Still going through that dry spell? Two years is a long time, Lizzie."

Elizabeth swatted her friend on her arm, ignoring the smirk plastered across her face. At the snicker behind her, Elizabeth finally remembered that there was another person there.

Elizabeth turned around to face him. "I'm Elizabeth, and you are?"

The man mockingly bowed his head in salutation. "Richard Fitzwilliam, at your service."

Only when Charlotte started laughing did Richard realize why that could be considered funny. "Oh God no. I didn't mean I would service your..."

He trailed off and pointed towards Elizabeth's lower abdomen as she looked at him with an amused smile. "Only that I- I mean, not sexually. Don't get me wrong you're really pretty, but- gah."

Richard finally stopped talking and put his hand over his face as Charlotte and Elizabeth erupted in giggles. Once their peals of laughter quieted, Richard pointed to Darcy. "Would you guys mind actually talking to the bachelor? The more interaction we have between him and the bachelorettes, the less we have to film."

He then held up the heavy camera to emphasize his point. Charlotte and Elizabeth nodded, and together they walked back over to the group. Elizabeth used this time to think about the easiest way to be eliminated from the show. Then she had a brilliant idea. She could just be herself! Men were usually intimidated by her intelligence and ambition( hence, the dry spell) and apparently Darcy didn't think she was good looking enough anyways. _This is going to be effortless. _

Silence reigned as they approached the group, and not surprisingly, Caroline decided to end it by questioning- slash- demeaning the other candidates.

"Elizabeth, what do you do for a living?" Caroline asked, picking out whom she thought was the easiest prey.

Elizabeth crossed her legs and took the drink that Jane offered her, sipping a little of the water before answering the question.

"Actually, I'm an accountant."

Caroline's upper lip curled and she smiled at her success. "Oh... How mundane."

Elizabeth was marveling at how she was simultaneously impressed that Caroline used that word casually and annoyed because she was belittling her job, but was interrupted when Richard loudly guffawed. She raised an eyebrow at him, but before he had a chance to explain, Darcy answered her unasked question.

"What a coincidence. I'm also in accounting."

Caroline blanched and stammered, attempting to recover from her faux pas. Darcy had a little trouble reigning in his glare. He had known Charles, and therefore Caroline, for five years now. He wasn't the most talkative fellow, but her ability to ignore everything out of his mouth that didn't relate to her or his personal relationships was maddening. At his look, Caroline quickly changed the subject, once again struggling to point out Elizabeth's deficiencies.

"I love that dress, Eliza," Caroline simpered obnoxiously. "Wherever did you get it from?"

Elizabeth looked down at her plain outfit. It fit her well, and showed off her curves, but it was by no means designer brand. Despite her wealth, Elizabeth had never outgrown her appreciation of the clearance rack.

She smirked at the snob and replied, "I think I got it at Target."

Caroline looked scandalized, and the tiniest bit triumphant. "Where?"

Elizabeth raised her nose in the air and adopted a snooty British accent. "Target... you know, where all the peasants go? Those poor people are so sad to look at, but having food and clothing in one place is very convenient."

Caroline nodded in agreement, completely ignoring the chuckles from Richard and Charlotte. "Some people just can't afford nice clothes."

Jane and Charlotte had a hard time containing their giggles, considering Elizabeth's six figure salary meant that little to no brands were out of her price range. Instead of contradicting her, Elizabeth nodded solemnly.

"Right you are, Caroline. So... what do you do for a living?"

Caroline flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'm a socialite."

Elizabeth smiled as if she was telling a joke, and to be fair, she thought Caroline was. "No, seriously, what do you do?"

Caroline looked at her as if she was deranged. "That is what I do." Elizabeth felt exasperated at Caroline's implication that being a socialite could be considered her occupation. Being rich and sitting on your ass does not a job make.

Then Caroline looked at Darcy in a flirtatious manner . "Soon I hope I have the pleasure of changing my occupation to 'stay-at- home mother.'"

Darcy visibly cringed, and tried to peel Caroline's arm off, but she clung to him as if he were a chocolate cake and she was at fat camp.

Up to this point everybody else in the group was looking between Elizabeth and Caroline as they flung questions at each other. When Darcy started leaning a bit more towards her, Susanne scooted closer to him and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and putting her lips around the thin stick in a suggestive manner. The light breeze blew the smoke in his direction, and instead of being turned on like Susanne had hoped, Darcy collapsed into a coughing fit and began wheezing.

Richard unceremoniously dropped his camera on lounge chair.

"Shit, Darcy's having an asthma attack. I'm going to find his inhaler." With that Richard left the group and ran inside the house.

Caroline started slapping Darcy roughly on the back as if that would help.

Susanne dumped the cigarette in a nearby plant and started looking around innocently.

Marianne wailed dramatically, and Jane and Emma were at a total lost.

Elizabeth held Caroline's wrist in one hand to stop her from assaulting Darcy and the other hand went up to his chin.

"Darcy, look at me." Panicked blue eyes meet her calm green ones. "Sit up and breathe slowly."

Darcy straightened in his chair and tried to slow his breathing. He felt soft fingers loosen his tie and rub his back in a soothing gesture.

"There you go. Just keep breathing. Calm down, everything's going to be okay."

Darcy continued to look at Elizabeth's face, knowing that looking at Caroline would possibly induce a panic attack on top of the asthma attack. She proceeded to whisper comforting words, and Darcy felt his anxiety recede as his breathing became normal. Richard came back out of the house, handing the inhaler to Darcy, who wordlessly took it.

Bingley tried to take control of the situation that had gotten chaotic very fast. "Okay everybody, why don't we continue this later? Our first rose ceremony is tonight. Be excited! Richard, will you show them the confession room and how to use the camera?"

After a concerned glance at Darcy, Richard nodded and the ladies followed him inside the house.

* * *

**Author's Note: I have good news and bad news.**

**Good news: I'm almost done with the fourth chapter.**

**Bad news: I am holding the fourth chapter hostage. I demand 20 reviews as the ransom! Just kidding. I'll probably post it next Thursday anyways (I'm too lazy to be a kidnapper... chapternapper?) . But if I do get those reviews before then, then I shall the post the chapter the day said number reviews are achieved. So if you want a fast update, I suggest you press the review button. And no, one person cannot post 20 reviews. Try to have a good Thursday and remember, it's almost the weekend! :)**


	4. The First Ceremony

**Author's Note: Wow! You lovely people certainly did rise to the challenge. Between the pint of Rocky Road in my freezer, the trip to the dog park, and those amazing reviews, this has been one of my favorite days of the summer! Scratch that. Best day of the year! **

**A deal is a deal. Without further ado, I present chapter 4! I hope you guys have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. I'll be replying to some of the reviews tonight. If you reviewed on the guest account, I'm sorry I can't respond but just know that you guys made my day :)**

**Unfortunately, the next chapter is not ready yet, but just know that if it was I would be posting it today because you guys are just that awesome!**

* * *

**The First Ceremony:**

* * *

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

Ingrid Bergman

* * *

The contestants followed Richard to the living room, and he gestured for them to take a seat. "All right, how about we do this in alphabetical order? Elizabeth, will you follow me please?"

As they left the room, they could hear Charlotte mutter something about Richard servicing Elizabeth.

Elizabeth followed Richard, who brought her to the room next to the one where they had overheard Darcy and Bingley's argument earlier. He opened the door and gestured for Elizabeth to sit in the chair facing the camera, her back to the french doors that lead to the balcony, which in turn wrapped around the house. She gasped when she saw the set up.

Sheer white curtains framed the doors and and an arch covered in jasmine sat over the a white chair. The chair itself had sea shells outlining the edges, and the contrast of the cerulean sea against the ivory room was beautiful.

"Wow," Elizabeth said, spinning around as she took in the room, the awe evident in her voice.

"Bingley wanted to set up the usual Moroccan theme, but Darcy protested. It didn't fit very well with the background."

Elizabeth grudgingly admitted that Darcy was right. "So," Elizabeth said, efficiently changing the subject from Darcy's brilliant decorating skills, "what exactly are we doing here?"

Richard stood behind the camera. "Basically, you can say anything in here. About Darcy, about the other contestants, about how devastatingly handsome I am. Anything. The only people who will be seeing it are Charles and Henry, the man who will be editing the footage. And me, obviously. I'm supposed to stay in here for the first session just to guide the conversation along. What did you think of the bachelor?"

Elizabeth paused, contemplating her reply. She suddenly remembered Darcy's description of her. Decent looking. He had unknowingly insulted a woman whom he had never met before. Elizabeth wasn't offended. If fact, in hindsight it was actually kind of funny. Was he so superficial that he had to judge her solely on her picture? She objectively knew she wasn't as pretty as Jane or Emma, but Darcy's attitude pissed her off nonetheless. And she wasn't afraid to let the people who watched this show know that.

"He's kind of an asshole," Elizabeth finally responded.

Richard seemed a little taken aback. "He barely spoke."

"Exactly. Here he is, surrounded by women who would literally fight for him, and it's almost as if he's indifferent. Who acts like that?"

Richard began stroking his chin with his hand, leaning back in the chair and arching his eyebrow in a teasing manner. "Do you consider yourself one of those women?"

Elizabeth didn't hesitate to reply. "Of course not. But he could at least be a little more appreciative. I took time out of my very busy schedule to be here and I had to suffer from my boss' wrath as a result. It wouldn't kill him to pretend that he was enjoying himself. Seriously, he should see a doctor about that stick up his ass."

Richard snorted and then replied in a solemn tone. "Unfortunately, stickuptheass-itis is incurable. The doctor says he may never recover." He then pretended to wipe away a lone tear. "It's tragic. Darcy only has six or seven more decades to live."

"A calamity, really."

"Anything you feel like saying about the other contestants?"

Elizabeth shrugged nonchalantly. "Not really. It was a surprise seeing Charlotte here, but I should have known better. Our mothers were the kind of parents to put us in sports just to brag. "

Richard chuckled. "How did that turn out?"

A laugh escaped Elizabeth as she recalled those days. "Not very well. When I was in basketball I accidentally shot it in the opponent's hoop. That actually gained points for the other team. And when we were in soccer, Charlotte slipped on the ball and managed to break her arm. Needless to say, our mothers had to remove us from the teams just to save face."

"Would you like to say anything else about the other contestants."

Elizabeth shrugged. "No, aside from Jane and Charlotte, I don't know anyone else well enough to form an opinion."

Richard narrowed his eyes. "Liar."

"You'll never be able to prove that." With that statement, Elizabeth left the room.

* * *

The other contestants' "confessions" can easily be summarized.

Caroline: William is only pretending to not be madly in love with me because he doesn't want to insult the other contestants. He's very considerate that way.

Louisa: Does the camera really add ten pounds?

Charlotte: Richard, stop flirting with me! I'm trying to discuss the bachelor. Shit, what was I saying?

Marianne: Did you see the way Elizabeth saved Will's life? So romantic.

Jane: Mr. Darcy seems very nice. I think we're going to have a great time on this show. I'm making so many friends already!

Emma: If Will doesn't find his future wife on this show I know the perfect woman! Harriet's a sweetheart. They would be perfect together.

Susanne: I mean, shouldn't he have given us some warning that he was asthmatic? Don't they have to wear a bracelet?

Darcy: My throat still hurts. Do I have to do this?

* * *

One by one the contestants entered and left the confessions room. Elizabeth had drifted back to the living room and sat with Charlotte, Jane and Emma. It was amazing, but the girls had already settled into cliques. Elizabeth felt as if she was in high school again, and had the overwhelming urge to check her face for acne.

Darcy was settled in a corner and Caroline, unable to take a hint, was once again sitting snuggled in his side. The other contestants had surrounded themselves around him as well.

The doorbell rang, and Bingley volunteered to answer. He disappeared for a couple of minutes, and when he entered the room again, he asked everyone for their attention. He looked disappointed.

"It seems as if someone here has not been completely honest about their relationship status. A contestant's fiance has arrived, and is very adamant about seeing his beloved."

Elizabeth leaned over and whispered to Charlotte. "Twenty bucks says that it's Louisa's. It's always the quiet ones who somehow manage to get multiple men."

"No way. I bet you it's Susanne. You ever wonder who paid for her boobs? She must have a sugar daddy. " They covertly shook hands and once again gave their attention to Bingley, who then gestured for the mystery man to step out.

Bill Collins was not a handsome man. In fact, he was boarding on plain. But it was not his looks, or his lack of a chin, that drove people off. It was his voice; that nasal sound which made children cringe and nuns have murderous thoughts.

He stepped forward, and in that horrible voice proclaimed, "Lizzie, my love, there you are. Aren't you looking positively captivating today?"

Elizabeth stood up from her seat, her shock quickly turning to anger. "Are you fucking kidding me, Collins? Are you really telling people we're engaged? Do you _want_ me to sue you for slander?"

She continued berating him, despite his effort to answer her questions. "How did you even know I was here?"

"Well, your mother was more than forthcoming with your whereabouts."

Elizabeth scoffed, not surprised. "Of course she was. But the better question is, why the hell are you here?"

Collins puffed out his chest. "I have come to sweep you off your feet. I know you only did this," here he paused and waved his hand at the other contestants, "show to make me jealous. It wasn't necessary, my dear. I'm already smitten with you. Come, let us leave."

With this statement, he turned on his heels and exited the room, turning around when Elizabeth didn't follow him.

"Come now, darling. You're really going to have to learn how to follow directions if we're getting married."

Elizabeth stepped towards him, fully prepared to use her Krav Maga training to kick his sorry ass, but stopped when Jane placed her hand on her arm in warning. Instead, Elizabeth attempted to use her words. Being mature sucked ass.

"Collins, I don't know what I did to lead you on, but let me correct it. I, in absolutely no way, have any interest in you, romantic or otherwise. We went on one date. One. Where you talked about your boss the entire time and I had to drink copious amounts of alcohol to survive the evening."

"Elizabeth, I know you're just playing hard to get. There's really no need. I'm already yours, body and soul."

She could hear Marianne sigh in the background, and everybody turned to look at her incredulously.

"What?" she said innocently. "That was very romantic."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and turned to face the nuisance again. "I'm not pretending, Collins."

Collins honestly seemed confused. "But I'm a great catch, Elizabeth. In fact, when you're married to me you can quit your job and raise our children. Women belong in the house." He then smiled as if he had revealed a big secret, and Elizabeth was again wondering how people could impress and annoy her at the same time. She was impressed that anybody could be that delusional, and annoyed because... well, isn't it obvious?

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Charlotte's mouth drop open, and an idea formed in her head. Nothing was getting through to Collins. And Elizabeth was tired. Tired of the constant voicemails, the insistent emails, the random visits to her apartment. He was harmless, but very persistent. Like a gnat. In fact, his voice was very fitting for a human-gnat hybrid.

Elizabeth sighed and looked down as if she was ashamed. "I can't be with you, Collins, for reasons out of my control. You see, I'm a lesbian."

Caroline fist pumped in triumph. "I knew it!"

Collins looked at Elizabeth with suspicion. "I don't believe you."

Elizabeth turned to Charlotte, and without preamble, planted her lips on her completely platonic friend's mouth. Charlotte's eyes opened in shock, before she understood what Lizzie was trying to do. Seeing Richard's mouth drop out of the corner of her eye, Charlotte decided to put on a show. She tenderly grabbed Lizzie's neck and applied more pressure.

Poor Richard dropped his camera again, running out of the room and muttering something about alone time. But nobody paid very much attention to him.

The contestants surrounding Darcy were secretly rejoicing about eliminating competition.

Darcy himself was conflicted between being turned on and being disappointed.

Jane and Emma held each other as silent laughter racked their bodies.

And Collins, poor Mr. Collins yelled, "I will pray for your soul, Elizabeth Bennet!" before storming out of the house.

As soon as they heard the door slam shut, Elizabeth and Charlotte separated. After they were done giggling at Collins' expression, Elizabeth turned to Charlotte and thanked her for her cooperation.

"No problem, Lizzie. Your kissing skills have improved. "

"Ha!" Caroline sneered at them from across the room. "You two will be leaving the show then."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes before replying. "We're not lesbians, Caroline. I just did that so Collins would finally leave me alone."

"Caroline," Bingley said, interrupting her response. "It's time for the rose ceremony. Then we'll _really_ know who's leaving us today."

Elizabeth could almost hear the "dun dun duhhhhh" sound in the background.

* * *

The living room was filled with candles and flowers. The soft light and pleasant smell would have been calming if not for the cameras aimed at them. Bingley cleared his throat before stepping forward. Both him and Darcy had changed into suits while the women changed into cocktail attire. Even though Elizabeth disliked the man, she had a difficult time not panting over the very pleasant sight that was William Darcy.

"Will, are you ready to choose who's staying tonight?"

Darcy nodded. "I am."

Bingley turned towards the women again. "Before we begin, I would just like to say that you all are very lovely ladies. However, not all of you can win the bachelor's heart. Mostly because that's polygamy."

Bingley slapped his forehead. "Okay, we're cutting that out later. William, you may beg-"

"Elizabeth."

When Elizabeth had told her mother she was familiar with the show, she wasn't lying. However she had neglected to mention she had never actually watched it. Therefore, when Darcy called her name she had assumed that he was eliminating her. She let out a puff of air, a little mad that he had seemed so eager to kick her out, but pleased with her progress nonetheless.

Lizzie walked up to the front of the room where he was standing, holding out her hand and genuinely smiling. Time to go back home. _I guess I'm too much crazy for a man like William Darcy to handle. _

After shaking a very confused Darcy's hand, Elizabeth turned to ask Bingley what happens afterwards. "Do I go home tonight or tomorrow? Should I be buying my own ticket?"

Bingley stood there gaping at her, and Elizabeth turned around to see if he was staring at somebody behind her when she felt a firm hand grip her wrist and hot breath on her neck.

"Where do you think you're going?"

His voice sent shivers down her spine and Elizabeth was too shocked at the feeling to reply. Darcy tried to ask the question calmly, but could tell he accidentally conveyed some of the anger that was radiating through him in his tone. He wasn't in love with her or anything, but he was definitely interested. And he had made a fool out of himself by eagerly calling her first and she was leaving? Fuck no.

"I thought you were kicking me out?" The statement sounded like a question and Darcy realized the mistake.

He shook his head and held out the rose. "No. No, I wasn't. Will you accept my rose?"

Elizabeth quietly accepted it and walked back to stand between Jane and Charlotte. Darcy continued to call out women's name and each one took the rose after thanking him.

"Caroline."

"Emma."

"Jane."

"Charlotte."

"Marianne."

"Louisa."

After Louisa's name was called, Bingley looked deliberately at Susanne. "I'm very sorry, Susanne, but you have been eliminated from Burning Love."

Susanne's facial expression could scare Medusa. "May I ask why?"

Darcy looked at Susanne like she was daft. "You literally almost killed me."

"Well, I could get a man half your age!" Susanne's declaration didn't have quite the effect she meant it to, judging from the look of disgust on the faces around her.

"You know what I mean!" With that, Susanne stomped out of the house.

"Bye, smokey!" Charlotte yelled at her back. "Watch out for that bear! He's really serious about those fires."

"Congratulations!" Bingley exclaimed after a moment, trying to break the tension. "You ladies have survived the first rose ceremony."


	5. Crazy Women and Their Outfits

**Author's Note: Just a couple of things I wanted to say.**

**1) I found an audio clip of Matthew Macfadyen reading the proposal scene from the novel. Why did nobody tell me this existed?! It's almost as good as watching him act it out. **

**2) I am currently looking for a beta. If you're interested, PM me please :)**

**3) Even though the game in this story is based on the show, "The Bachelor," it will not follow it exactly, so don't be upset if there's some differences between the reality show and the show in this story. However, I have taken guest reviewer Lulah's suggestion into account and tried to make some parts a little more... dramatic. Enjoy.**

* * *

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree."

-W.C. Fields

* * *

The soft morning light roused Elizabeth from her sleep, and she kept her eyes shut in the hope that the dream that had been running through her mind would stay for a while. Despite her efforts, it faded entirely as her eyes opened and she spied the waves rolling languidly onto the white sand. She had been one of the lucky contestants whose bedroom had an ocean view.

Elizabeth looked over at the alarm clock on the bedstand and was excited to see that it was nine. She had slept in! She couldn't remember sleeping past five on a weekday. Guessing that everyone else was still asleep, Elizabeth decided to go for a jog and then cool off with a swim. Throwing a bathing suit on underneath her running clothes, Elizabeth grabbed a towel and made her way down the trail on the side of the house to the empty beach.

On the way to the shore, Elizabeth examined her skin. _Have I always been this pale? If an albino reproduced with a vampire, I would be that love child._

Elizabeth shook herself out of her thoughts and began to run, but soon realized that those movies that show beautiful people running gracefully on the beach was total bullshit. The sand kept getting in her running shoes and distracting her, and the top of her bikini did very little to support her breasts. That shit hurt. And dear God, how deep is this sand?

Kneeling in the hot sand, Elizabeth took off her shoes, hoping that action would make jogging a lot easier.

It didn't.

"Fuck!" Elizabeth raced towards the water, all the while feeling as if her feet were on fire. Unfortunately, she did not see the errant stick, and in her haste she fell, the sand cushioning her fall. This did nothing to help her poor sensitive skin.

Elizabeth was thanking her lucky stars that no one was there to witness her humiliation when she heard a deep voice ask, "Are you alright?"

So much for that thought.

"Yes," she replied tersely, steeling herself for the moment that she would have to look Darcy in the face. She stood up the rest of the way and walked over to the water, sighing in relief as the water washed over her feet.

"Were you looking for me?" Darcy asked suddenly, and Elizabeth squinted against the glare of the sun when she raised her eyes to his in confusion.

"Why would I be looking for you?"

Darcy looked at her suspiciously and Elizabeth felt irritated; this irritation only grew as he answered her question.

"Isn't that what usually happens on this show? You women are constantly seeking out the bachelor's attention."

"Actually I assumed everyone else was still asleep." _Not everything revolves around you._

Darcy nodded in acceptance of her answer and they fell into an awkward silence, which was only broken when Elizabeth blurted out the first thing that came to mind. She had always hated silence.

"The ocean always reminds me of The Awakening."

Darcy looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Ah yes... the ending of that novel surprised me."

Elizabeth was impressed that this man had understood her reference, but she would never let him know that.

"I saw it coming. It was only a matter of time before she had succumbed to society's pressures."

"I thought, if her suicide was symbolic of anything, that it would represent her ability to resist conformity. That her act was a gesture to her family that nobody could control her."

"If she had indeed wanted to let society know that nobody could 'control her' then she would have done something truly rebellious, like leaving her family behind or becoming an artist."

Darcy opened his mouth to retort when he was knocked aside and something started licking his face. His first thought was, "How in the world did Caroline find me?" but that thought was dismissed when he recognized the creature.

"Athena! Get off of me! Where's your petsitter?"

Elizabeth thought she could detect a hint of love in Darcy's voice when he spoke these words to the white lab that was currently licking his face, but that was impossible. Robots don't feel love.

A young man followed closely behind, out of breath from chasing after the dog, and Elizabeth thought he looked a little familiar. "Sorry, Will. She saw you and took off and I couldn't really control her."

"That's okay, James," Darcy said as he stood up. "I missed her. But she still can't come back to the house; there's too many people there."

James and Athena noticed Elizabeth at the same time, and their reaction was not dissimilar; they both had drool coming out of their mouths. Elizabeth bent down to pet the adorable dog, and Athena thanked her by licking her face. Instead of being revolted, Elizabeth laughed and knelt down, rubbing the dog's belly when she rolled over.

"Damn it, Will. Is this one of the contestants? You lucky bastard." James stuck out his hand towards Lizzie. "The name is Fitzwilliam. James Fitzwilliam."

He then leaned in and stage whispered, "If you get bored with him, you can find me in the guest cottage."

Elizabeth laughed at the young man and said in a joking manner replied, "Do I look like a cougar to you?"

James pretended to be affronted. "I am not that young, beautiful." He puffed out his chest and preened, "I'm in my first year of medical school, thanks to cuz here."

"Why thanks to Darcy?" Elizabeth couldn't help but asking.

"He's paying my tuition. It was my graduation gift."

Darcy interrupted James and in a proud voice that one usually reserves when bragging about family, said, "Jamie here graduated Magna Cum Laude from Stanford."

Elizabeth turned to James and voiced her congratulations, adding, "My sister Mary just got accepted to Johns Hopkins Medical School."

"That's where I'm going!" James stated in an excited voice. "Does she look like you? Because if she's intelligent and gorgeous, I may just have met my match."

Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh. James's flirtatious manner was not off putting because one could obviously tell he was joking, and as she observed him closer the pieces fell into place.

"Wait, are you related to Richard?" She then turned to Darcy without waiting for an affirmation. "Does that mean you and Richard are cousins?"

Darcy nodded as James exclaimed, "Dicky? How's my bro doing?

Elizabeth snorted at Richard's nickname. "Dicky? Charlotte's going to laugh her ass off when I tell her about that."

James looked at her in alarm. "Wait! You can't tell him I called him that! He'll kill me."

"Hmmm..." Elizabeth rubbed her chin in thought. "I could possibly make a deal."

"What?" James asked suspiciously.

"I won't tell him you called him that, and in return I get to keep the puppy for the day."

"No," Darcy said before James could answer. "She'll pee everywhere out of excitement. _And_ we're supposed to go on a group date tonight."

Elizabeth put her face next to the puppy, and both her and Athena turned to Darcy with a begging look. "Please...?"

Darcy relented. "Fine. You can bring her to the house tomorrow."

* * *

Darcy and Elizabeth walked back to the house, and instead of the silence they had expected, the house was in total chaos.

Louisa and Caroline were yelling at each other, Bingley was attempting to separate them, and Richard was filming the whole thing while laughing his ass off.

Elizabeth walked over to Charlotte. "What the hell is going on here?"

Caroline and Louisa were both dressed to the nines. At ten o' clock in the morning, their formal clothing looked ridiculous. Caroline was wearing a bright pink, skin tight, sequined dress and skyscraper heels. By some major coincidence, Louisa had the same dress and shoes on.

"Louisa, I demand you take that dress off! That ensemble looks absurd on you. Go change," Caroline demanded in a high pitched voice. "Now."

Her "friend" took an unsteady step forward, completely ignoring Bingley, who had stepped in between them. "No! You's don't control me!" Louisa shouted and then hiccuped.

"Are you drunk right now? It's ten in the morning!" Caroline sneered at Louisa, who in turn fervently nodded her head.

"Yes! In fact, I'm so drunk that I'm gonna tell everybody about that nose job you got our senior year."

Caroline gasped and stepped back, covering her nose with both hands. "You promised not to tell!"

"Yeah? Well you promised not to sleep with Hurst because you knew I liked him, and you did that anyway. You're such a whore!"

Caroline didn't bother denying Louisa's accusation. "You're just jealous because I'm prettier and William obviously likes me better!"

"Your 'beauty'," Louisa said sarcastically, air quoting the word beauty, "was bought by your daddy's credit card!"

Instead of hurling another insult, Caroline decided to hurl herself at her frenemy. "You bitch!"

With the strength of a woman scorned, Caroline pushed her brother to the side, launched herself at Louisa, and forcefully pulled her hair. Louisa let out a screech similar to a parrot's, and in her drunken state, fumbled to pull Caroline off by grasping her hair in return.

Bingley and the rest of the contestants watched in a mixture of horror and amusement.

Richard continued holding the camera, while simultaneously managing to fist pump and yell, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Darcy was the only one with his wits still about him. He knew he was probably risking life and limb to stop the fight, but damn it! This was his house. Plus, their screams were hurting his head.

He marched over to Caroline, pulling her off of Louisa and inserting himself between them.

They both stepped back and Caroline hurriedly fixed her outfit.

"Fine, Caroline, you want me to take this outfit off that bad?" Louisa didn't wait for Caroline's reply, but instead pulled down the zipper and stepped out of the dress. Everybody in the room except for Richard averted their eyes. He was too busy chuckling and muttering, "This shit is priceless."

"There! Are you happy?" Louisa held up her nose and stumbled past Caroline, presumably to make her way to her room.

After she was gone Bingley turned towards his sister. "Carrie, what the hell was that all about?"

Caroline huffed. "Louisa had it coming. Didn't you hear what she said to me?"

Bingley ignored Caroline's question, which was hopefully rhetorical because he had been there the entire time. Charles clapped his hands together and tried distracting everybody from the awkward situation.

"Tonight we have our first group date! Will is going to be taking Elizabeth, Charlotte, Marianne, and Louisa, if she feels well enough by then, out. You're not allowed to know where the date is, but I suggest you dress casually. Be prepared by six."

* * *

That night the contestants lounged around the living room with Darcy, waiting patiently for their ride. Louisa was surprisingly enthusiastic about going, and the rest of the women eyed her warily, fearing for their hair. Caroline was now completely bald in one spot.

Darcy was also wary, but for an entirely different reason. Charles had refused to tell him where they were going, despite Darcy's best efforts. Bingley had claimed that "if it was up to you, then the group date would be in a library or somewhere equally as boring." Darcy couldn't argue with his friend's logic, but was somewhat offended by the accusation that a library was boring.

The limo finally arrived, and the contestants and cameramen rode towards their destination, the only sound being the music on the radio.

They pulled up next to what looked like a bar, and the driver informed them that he would be back at eleven. Darcy nodded and together they walked into the building.

Marianne and Louisa squealed in delight.

Charlotte and Elizabeth smiled in anticipation.

Richard laughed at Darcy's expression. Why was Darcy dreading the group date, you ask?

Because they had entered a karaoke bar.


	6. Sing Your Troubles Away

**Author's Note: To guest reviewer Avid Reader- Lizzie is 27 and Darcy is 29.**

**Many thanks to my awesome beta, Ivy2010 :)**

* * *

"He who sings scares away his woes."

-Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

* * *

A woman was currently on stage, crooning about her love coming along at last. The bar was packed and the contestants could hear the drunken murmurs of the patrons, who had decided that they were allowed to let loose because it was Friday night. Darcy groaned and put one of his hands on his forehead, trying to resist the urge to run out of there and flag down the limo driver. _Why does Bingley hate me? I've only ever been a good friend! What have I done to deserve his wrath?_

Charlotte grabbed Elizabeth and Marianne's hands, gesturing to Louisa to follow them. "Come on, girls! Let's go sign up before the line gets too long!" They headed over to the side of the stage, where a man was holding a binder with a list of the songs available and a clip board where people could sign up. Darcy and Richard managed to snag an empty table near the front while Henry sat towards the other side of the room to get a better shot of the stage.

Louisa quickly decided on a song, left the group of girls behind, and sidled up next to Darcy. She was still somehow tipsy from her morning excursion to Tequila Land and, as it turns out, a drunk Louisa was much more talkative and handsy than a sober Louisa. Darcy shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Louisa put her hand on his upper thigh, leaned in towards him, and slurred, "Do you feel that connection between us, Will? We would be so good together."

Darcy hummed noncommittally and tried to scoot his chair farther away, but Louisa determinedly clapped her hand down. He saw a waiter pass by and eagerly waved his hand. This distraction caused Louisa to remove her hand, and Darcy hastily moved his chair away. Louisa ordered a "Screaming Orgasm" after winking suggestively at Darcy. Darcy wished there was a drink that was called, "No Way In Hell," but he settled on a bourbon. Lots of alcohol would be needed tonight.

Charlotte, Marianne, and Elizabeth walked over and sat in the remaining chairs. They chatted amicably with Richard for a few minutes, but Elizabeth was distracted by Darcy. She could see him out of the corner of her eye, blatantly staring at her as if he was searching for something. She internally rolled her eyes. _What the hell is his problem?_

The group watched as person after person went up on stage, singing their hearts out. Everybody politely clapped after the singers exited the stage, and soon enough Louisa's name was being called.

Louisa stumbled her way up to the stage, and stood confidently as she announced, "The song is dedicated to Will." She then began to dance in a way as can only be described as indecent as the beginning strains of the Pussycat Dolls' "Don't Cha" came out of the karaoke machine. Richard eagerly lifted up the camera. "This is going to be good."

Louisa did certainly not disappoint. She sung out the lyrics with a breathy voice, which she thought was sexy, but in reality made everybody cringe. Charlotte hid her face in Elizabeth's shoulder, trying to hide her giggles and Marianne had a strained smile on her face that she hoped she thought was encouraging. Darcy had shifted lower in his seat and continued to glance between the spectacle on stage and his drink. During the last chorus, Louisa moved dangerously close to the front of the stage so she could sing directly to Darcy. In the middle of grinding against the microphone stand, Louisa managed to fall off the stage.

The crowd was equally amused and concerned. Elizabeth and Marianne rushed up to help Louisa. Luckily the stage was only six inches off the ground, so she wasn't injured too badly. Louisa stood up in a huff and bowed to the crowd, showing off as much cleavage as possible before sitting back in her seat.

The announcer came up to the stage. "Well that was... lovely, Louisa. Next we have a duet. Please welcome Charlotte and Lizzie!"

Charlotte and Elizabeth walked up to the stage, took two cordless microphones, and stood a couple of feet apart from each other with their heads down. The crowd cheered as their song began to play, and Charlotte's head shot up as she started singing the first of the lyrics in a ridiculous Scottish accent.

_"When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you._" After she finished this part she pointed to Lizzie, who sang the next part in a equally ridiculous accent.

_"When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you."_

They switched back and forth flawlessly until the chorus came up.

_"But I would walk five hundred miles_  
_And I would walk five hundred more_  
_Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles_  
_To fall down at your door."_

During the chorus Charlotte and Lizzie walked in place, their actions perfectly synchronized with the beat.

_"Da lat da , da lat da_  
_Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da."__  
_

Charlotte echoed Lizzie during this part and instead of walking they branched out, running around the stage and doing ridiculous dance moves. At one point, Elizabeth was doing an awkward one-handed robot while Charlotte was doing a poor imitation of the worm.

Darcy could never comprehend why people willingly put themselves in situations where they could be ridiculed. Nonetheless, he enjoyed their performance and even chuckled when Elizabeth started doing the sprinkler.

The crowd cheered the whole time, and by the time the song stopped, Elizabeth and Charlotte were out of breath. They exited the stage to loud applause and the announcer tried to quiet everyone.

"That was splendid ladies! Next up is Marianne!"

Marianne nervously grabbed the microphone stand and adjusted the height. Elizabeth could feel Darcy's glare boring a hole in her head, but she ignored him to watch Marianne.

Darcy was unaware that Elizabeth knew he was looking at her; he was too busy admiring how the exercise had brightened her eyes and brought a lovely blush to her cheeks.

Marianne cleared her throat, and began singing. Her voice was superb, and everybody was pleasantly surprised.

_"Every night in my dreams_  
_I see you, I feel you,_  
_That is how I know you go on."_

Elizabeth chuckled. "This song is very appropriate for Marianne. She's a idealist when it comes to romance. Twenty bucks says Titanic is her favorite movie."

Charlotte whispered back, "It's probably the Notebook."

They shook hands and continued watching Marianne singing about her heart going on. Marianne finished up the song and ambled back to the table.

Before anybody else could congratulate Marianne, Charlotte asked, "Hey, what's your favorite movie?"

Marianne smiled shyly and replied, "Titanic, of course."

"Ha!" Elizabeth's shout surprised everybody except for Charlotte. "Pay up, bitch."

Charlotte reluctantly pulled out her wallet. "You have a gambling problem, Lizzie. This is the second time in two days that you've initiated a bet."

Elizabeth snatched the money out of Charlotte's hand. "It's only a problem if you lose."

Charlotte ignored Elizabeth's response, instead turning to Marianne. "Why is that your favorite movie? The protagonist dies in the end!"

Marianne sighed dreamily. "He died to save Rose. They were truly in love."

"Bullshit! If she really loved him, she would've shared that piece of wood at the end. Selfish bitch."

Elizabeth rubbed her temples. "Charlotte, I cannot have this conversation again. We're not physicists. Therefore, it is very difficult for us to estimate the buoyancy of the wood without the mass and volume of the piece of wood in question."

In her drunken state, Louisa found this the smartest thing anyone has ever said. "Wow. So you're like, really smart."

"No. I said I _don't_ know how to do that."

Richard interrupted their conversation. "Please, ladies, I cannot talk about the Titanic all night. But you know what would interest me? Seeing Will sing."

"No," Darcy answered brusquely.

"But Will," Richard whined, "Bingley told me to tell you to do it. It would be great for the show."

"I don't know how to sing."

"You're lying. I know about all those music lessons Aunt Ann made you take."

Darcy didn't reply.

"If you sing," Richard said, holding his cell phone in his hand teasingly, "I'll call the limo driver and tell him to pick us up after you're done."

"It's only eight?" Darcy thought with disgust as he looked at his watch. He was contemplating just waiting out the next three hours, but Louisa's hand snaking its way up his leg made his choice easier. "Fine."

He left the table to speak to the man with the clipboard, who eagerly nodded and left the room. When the man came back he was holding a guitar, which Darcy took. After the person on stage was done with their song, Darcy sat in a chair with a microphone in front of him and quickly tuned the guitar.

The song that he had decided to play was relatively easy on his vocal cords because of his deep voice. Darcy had learnt it when Georgiana had gone through her "country phase."

Darcy began strumming the melody, and Elizabeth thought she would swoon when he started singing.

_"Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low_  
_Put some music on that's soft and slow_  
_Baby we ain't got no place to go_  
_I hope you understand."_

Elizabeth could hear whispers from around the room as the club quieted.

"Oh my, who is that?"

"Please be single. Please be single. Please..."

"My prayers have been answered."

Marianne sighed dramatically and stared at Darcy with her hand on her chin. "He's so dreamy."

For once, Elizabeth couldn't disagree. She didn't usually go for musicians, but at this moment she couldn't for the life of her remember why she disliked Darcy.

_"I can't believe how much it turns me on_  
_Just to be your man."_

His rich voice rolled over them like honey, and Elizabeth struggled to categorize his faults as a defense against this attack on her sanity. _He's proud, he's disagreeable, he's hot as hell, his voice does things to my body- damn it!_

Darcy finished the song and walked back to the table with a slight smile on his face, ignoring the women eyeing him hungrily. Elizabeth shook her head, efficiently pulling herself out of the William Darcy-induced haze.

"Richard," Darcy asked smugly, "did you call the driver?"

His cousin chuckled and pulled out his phone.

* * *

Darcy reluctantly carried Louisa into the house when they arrived. Unfortunately for Louisa, she had passed out in the limo, so she wasn't able to enjoy the moment. Jane fussed over the sick girl, placing Advil and water on Louisa's bed stand while Caroline attached herself to Darcy as soon as she could. Darcy pulled Caroline's arm off of him and quickly looked down to see if there were actual claw marks from her fingernails.

There were.

Darcy excused himself, claiming that he was tired and going to bed. Jane left Louisa after she made sure she was comfortable and went to talk to her sister.

"How was the group date, Lizzie?"

Her sister shrugged. "It was okay. What did you do when we were gone?"

Jane looked around the room, refusing to make eye contact. "Nothing much."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she noted her sister's demeanor. Jane had always been a terrible liar. "What aren't you telling me, Janie?"

Jane looked at her hands in her lap, lowering her voice so the girls nearby couldn't hear. "I talked to Charlie mostly."

"And..." Elizabeth trailed off, hoping Jane would explain why she was being more reticent than usual.

Jane looked up and Elizabeth was concerned when she saw tears in her eyes. "I like him, Lizzie. A lot. He's charming and sweet and he's a great listener. We talked for hours!"

"That's fantastic, but why are you sad?"

"Well, I'm on the show to win the bachelor's heart. It feels as if I'm being disloyal or something."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. Only Jane would feel guilty about cheating in a nonexistent relationship. "It's a _show_, Jane. I doubt Darcy will be offended. From what I gather, he's the only person who wants to be here less than me. Look, if you're worried about what the other contestants will say, just take it slowly. Use this time to get to know Charles and if you still want to pursue a relationship then deal with that after you're eliminated. Okay, sweetie? Everything is going to be fine."

Jane nodded and then shook her head as if willing away the bad thoughts. "I'm just being silly."

"You're not. Now, tell me all about your Mr. Bingley."

* * *

**Author's Note: The songs in the chapter are listed below.**

**Louisa: "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls**

**Charlotte and Lizzie: "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers**

**Marianne: "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion**

**Darcy: "Your Man" by Josh Turner**

**If you don't know these songs I suggest you listen to a part of them when reading this chapter.**


	7. Queen Bee

Beta'd by Ivy2010 :)

* * *

"You can call me queen bee,

And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule,

Let me live that fantasy."

-Royals by Lorde

* * *

Elizabeth started and sat up in her bed, clutching her chest and gasping for breath. She didn't realize why she was scared until she was able to hear her phone over the sound of her heavy breathing. _Why the hell did I choose that ringtone again? Freaking Hitchcock. _Only her mother would dare wake her up at this time when she was on vacation. Elizabeth groaned and pressed talk.

"Somebody better be dead."

"Elizabeth? Is something wrong? Why are you breathing like that?" her mother asked in alarm.

"Nothing, I just dreamt I was in the shower with a man dressed as his grandmother."

"A sex dream? TMI, Lizzie. Kids these days have no-"

Elizabeth interrupted her mother before she could finish her sentence. People over the age of fifteen should not be allowed to speak in texting abbreviations. Scratch that. Even people under the age of fifteen shouldn't be allowed.

"Did you need something?"

"No," her mother said in an innocent tone that did not suit her at all. "I just wanted to know how you were doing."

Elizabeth knew exactly what her mother wanted to know, and she was going to withhold that information for as long as she could. She laid back in bed, her arm behind her head.

"I'm doing great."

"Good. That's good…. How's the show?"

Elizabeth smiled maliciously at the thought of foiling her mother's machinations. "It's coming along."

"Elizabeth Bennet," her mother scolded. "You know what I'm asking."

"Yes, I do mother. The problem is you can't ask me about my love life anymore; remember? That was the deal. Inquiring after how I'm doing with the bachelor falls under that category."

Her mother huffed. "Fine, I'll just call Jane! She'll tell me what I want to know. She always was the more obedient child."

"Mom, don't do that it's only," Elizabeth groaned when she looked at the clock, "seven. Just wait a couple of hours. Then you can guilt her into telling you everything."

Mrs. Bennet reluctantly agreed and they ended the phone call.

Elizabeth snuggled back in the warmth of her comforter, closing her eyes and breathing slowly. After a couple of minutes, Elizabeth grudgingly admitted that she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. She still had three hours to kill until she had to meet James and her stomach was growling. _Surely there must be a kitchen in this house. _

Elizabeth wandered around the first floor until she entered a large room that was, like the rest of the house, stunning. The first thing she noticed was the older woman moving gracefully around the kitchen; the second thing she noticed is that the kitchen looked as if the Pillsbury doughboy had shat all over. Flour, sugar, and melted butter marred the otherwise pristine countertops and the elegant woman was scrubbing with vigor.

"Hello, dear," the woman greeted Elizabeth as she gingerly made her way into the room.

"Uh… hi?" Elizabeth unconsciously adjusted her attire. Her well-worn pajama pants and small tank top seemed too casual compared to the woman with her immaculate clothes.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Where are my manners? I'm Lisa Reynolds, the housekeeper here. Can I help you with anything?"

Elizabeth held out her hand. "Lizzie Bennet. I was just looking for something to eat." Her stomach rumbled as if to emphasize her statement, and Mrs. Reynolds laughed.

"I can hear that. What would you like?"

Elizabeth waved her hand as if to dismiss the idea of someone cooking for her. "Don't be ridiculous. I can make myself breakfast. I am a grown woman after all, even if I sometimes don't act like it."

Mrs. Reynolds tsked and led Elizabeth to a stool near the island. Her voice was stern as she guided Elizabeth onto the stood. "I insist. Now tell me what you would like to eat."

Elizabeth relented, knowing from Mrs. Reynolds's tone that she wasn't going to win this battle. Mother figures always win. "Scrambled eggs would be nice."

Mrs. Reynolds turned to the fridge and pulled out the eggs, humming contently as she navigated her way around the room. She methodically cracked them into a bowl and began to whisk them. Something seemed odd about these seemingly normal actions, and Elizabeth didn't realize what it was until she looked around at the dirty kitchen. Mrs. Reynolds's cooking skills were deliberate and efficient; she had neatly disposed of the eggshells after emptying them and held the bowl over the sink as not to spill on the counter. What's wrong with this picture?

"Mrs. Reynolds," Elizabeth asked as she looked around, "what happened in here?"

Mrs. Reynolds sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. "Miss Bingley decided she wanted to make chocolate chip cookies for William. Why? Because I was joking and said 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.' Instead of letting me make them, like I insisted, she went ahead and started cooking when I left to go home for the night. So I come to work this morning only to discover that Miss Bingley can't cook to save her life and, what's even worse, is that she's very destructive when she's frustrated. And who's left to clean it up? Me! _And_ I still have to make lunch for six people because the group date today is a picnic!" Her voice had been steadily growing in volume as she vented to Lizzie, and only when she realized she was shouting did Mrs. Reynolds stop her rant. "Oh dear, I'm sorry you had to hear all of that. It's just that-"

Elizabeth stopped her by holding up her hand. "No apologies needed, Mrs. R. You could've just said her name and I would have understood."

Mrs. Reynolds laughed bitterly. "I'm usually a much nicer person, I swear. But that woman… You know, she's actually very intelligent. She just likes to hide it under fake tans and surgically modified facial features." Mrs. Reynolds shook her head and continued cooking the eggs. While Mrs. Reynolds stood by the stove Elizabeth got up and started cleaning the countertops.

"Oh sweetie, you don't need to do that."

"Don't be ridiculous, Mrs. R. If anything, I'm cleaning for _my _state of mind. This kitchen is too pretty to remain dirty." Mrs. Reynolds relented after a little bit more persuasion on Elizabeth's part, and they talked about mundane things like the weather and the flowers in the garden until Louisa entered the room. She had huge sunglasses on, as if the soft light coming in through the window was the equivalent of the harsh desert sun, and was still in the dress she wore to the club. Her hair was in disarray and she rubbed the sides of her temples to ward off her throbbing headache. Elizabeth grinned like the Cheshire cat and resisted rubbing her hands together.

"Louisa! How are you this morning?" Her voice was much louder than it needed to be, and Louisa groaned in response. This didn't deter Elizabeth at all.

"You were quite the partyer at the club last night." At this Louisa finally looked up, squinting despite the sunglasses.

"We went to a club last night?"

Elizabeth swallowed the laugh that threatened to bubble up. "Yep. You don't remember?" Elizabeth asked innocently. She would've been surprised if Louisa remembered anything after all the alcohol she had consumed. In fact, Elizabeth had been a little impressed by the end of the night. Those drinks would've killed a lesser woman.

Louisa groaned again. "Please stop shouting." She then stumbled over to the coffee maker and began rummaging through the cabinet above it. "Need. Coffee."

Mrs. Reynolds finished Elizabeth's breakfast and Elizabeth quickly ate it. Louisa made her coffee and darted out of the room, searching for a quieter and darker place where she could nurture her horrible hangover. Elizabeth continued helping Mrs. Reynolds clean the kitchen and once they were done they sat at the small breakfast table.

"Thank you for your help with the kitchen," said Mrs. Reynolds, patting Elizabeth's hand affectionately. "You really are a sweetheart."

"Happy to help. How long have you been working here?"

Lisa beamed proudly. "I have been with the Darcy family for 30 years now. In fact, I even have baby pictures of William. Would you like to see one?"

Elizabeth had a hard time imagining Darcy as a child. He didn't just come out of the womb a grumpy adult? She couldn't pass the opportunity to possibly embarrass him later.

"Sure."

Mrs. Reynolds preened like the mother hen she was and pulled out her wallet from the purse on the counter. The first picture was of a beautiful woman with red hair holding a chubby baby with black hair and blue eyes. The woman was looking lovingly at her child as the baby reached out towards the camera.

"That's the late Mrs. Darcy and, of course, William."

Mrs. Reynolds looked sadly at the picture before pulling the next one out. The next picture portrayed two teenage boys holding baseball bats. One boy had blonde hair and green eyes and was smirking at the camera while slinging his arm around the other boy, who had his arms crossed and was scowling.

Mrs. Reynolds pointed at the boy Elizabeth didn't recognize. "This is George. He was a really good family friend, but I heard he turned out to be a trouble maker. William no longer associates with him."

Elizabeth laughed at young Darcy. It was as if he was born in a bad mood. How can a man who is good looking, rich, and intelligent be perpetually pissed off? Stickuptheass-itis seemed very accurate.

The next picture was taken recently. Darcy stood next to a girl in a graduation gown who had her head tucked in his chest and was holding her diploma over her face. Darcy, unlike the previous pictures, was grinning widely at the camera. Mrs. Reynolds pointed to the girl. "That's William's sister, Georgie. She's very camera shy, though. We almost never get a good picture of her. William was so proud of her that day. He's never been one for public displays, but he brought an air horn to her ceremony and yelled at the top of his lungs when they called her name."

Elizabeth's heart melted a little at that, but she still had trouble reconciling these different parts of Darcy. It was as if he was purposely trying to be an enigma.

Mrs. Reynolds pulled the next photo out and Elizabeth laughed into her hand. The picture had a time stamp that showed it was taken a little over a year ago and portrayed Darcy lying next to a pint of ice cream with his eyes closed. "Why is Darcy's head in the freezer?"

Lisa laughed along with Elizabeth before explaining. "William sleepwalks."

Elizabeth held up her hands. "Wait a second. Darcy has asthma _and_ sleepwalks? Don't people usually grow out of these things?"

"Well, only cigarette smoke triggers the asthma attacks. And now he only sleepwalks when he's really stressed. So it doesn't happen very often. It was much worse last summer than it is now."

"Do you like working for Darcy?"

Mrs. Reynolds simply beamed. "He's the most generous boss I've ever had. My sister had a stroke a couple of years ago and had to be hospitalized for a week. William paid for her entire bill and gave me a month off so I could take care of her. He's like a son to me."

This image of Saint Darcy also conflicted with the one that Elizabeth had already formed. Lizzie didn't like changing her mind about people (it usually took too much effort and had little end results) but in this case she was forced to make an exception. So Darcy obviously wasn't the world's biggest douche. Why did he act like it?

Instead of voicing her thoughts, Elizabeth just nodded and they stopped their conversation altogether when the man himself walked into the room. Mrs. Reynolds hurriedly hid the pictures under the plate mat as if she was doing something illegal. Darcy looked suspiciously at his housekeeper, but didn't say anything about her odd behavior.

Elizabeth tried excusing herself from the room before she had to make small talk with him, but Darcy quickly ruined her plans.

"It was very nice talking to you, but I have to meet James now so-"

"I'll go with you."

Both Elizabeth and Mrs. Reynolds looked up in shock. Elizabeth was the first one to recover.

"Let me go change and I'll meet you outside."

* * *

Elizabeth quickly changed into her green bathing suit and met Darcy in the area that they had agreed on. They walked quietly towards their destination, and Elizabeth decided that maybe she should uncover the real Darcy. She tried easing into a conversation, but it didn't work quite as expected.

"Mrs. Reynolds is a very nice woman."

"She is."

"She seems to love your family very much."

"She does."

Elizabeth gave up and instead remained quiet. _She_ was thinking about how annoying that "conversation" was. _He_ was thinking about how his usually gentlemanly manners were being assaulted by a petite brunette in a bikini. In fact, all the lessons he had learned from his dad about how to respectfully treat women were currently being thrown out the window as he purposely walked behind her to get a better view…. Of the ocean, of course. _It's going to be a long month._

* * *

Darcy, Jane, Emma and Caroline left with the cameramen for the second group date shortly after Darcy and Elizabeth had returned. Caroline had stared daggers at Elizabeth, and Elizabeth didn't bother to explain that her jealousy was very misplaced. Darcy hadn't said more than 10 words to her on the walk to get Athena.

The house was very quiet without Richard or Caroline in it, and the remaining contestants were quite bored without a hammered Louisa to entertain them. Two hours after the group had left, Charlotte could be found sitting on the sofa next to Marianne, watching Romeo and Juliet and having completely different reactions to it. Marianne just smiled idiotically when something romantic happened while Charlotte yelled and threw pillows at the screen when they did something stupid.

"If only he had gotten that letter."

"Don't take the random drugs from that guy! He's a friar, not a fucking doctor."

Elizabeth laughed at Charlotte's outrage and continued playing tug-of-war with Athena.

They weren't expecting the group back for a couple of hours, so imagine their surprise when they heard a commotion and Caroline suddenly screeching, "It's nothing, Charles!"

The girls all looked at each other, then simultaneously started racing towards the foyer. They all stopped short when they saw Caroline. Her eyes were swollen shut and there were red marks all over her body. Her normally perfectly coiffed hair had leaves and twigs sticking out of it and her skin was turning purple where it wasn't red. Her barely -there shorts and silk shirt were torn and there was a dirt streak on her face.

"Caroline, you need to go to the hospital!"

His sister huffed. "I want William to take me _if_ I'm going to the emergency room."

Darcy shook his head and stepped back. "It's not my place. Your brother should be the one to take you." After this declaration Darcy left the room.

Charles nodded in agreement and grabbed Caroline's arm. "Come on, Carrie." Caroline whined all the way to the door.

Charlotte turned on Richard as soon as Caroline was out of earshot. "Spill."

Richard grinned and held up his camera. "Better yet, I can show you." Marianne, Charlotte, Elizabeth, Emma, and Jane followed Richard to a room filled with complicated video equipment and stood by the door as Richard disappeared behind an assortment of wires and screens. After a minute or two, footage from that morning popped up on a TV beside them and they all turned to watch.

The screen showed Caroline practically on top of Darcy as they sat on the grassy ground. Trees surrounded them, but there was a clear line to the lake. Emma and Jane were politely distanced, but Caroline looked like she had no idea what personal space was. Her high pitch voice filled the room.

"Do you know what would be fun, Will? Skinny dipping." She ran her finger down his arm, and Darcy moved further away.

"That does not sound like fun."

Caroline pouted. "Well, I guess I'll just go by myself."

She then walked over to the side of the lake, swaying her hips as she took off her clothes. Her shirt, then her shorts, and finally the bra were flung to her side. It wouldn't have been so pathetic if Darcy had been paying any attention at all. As it was, he was completely ignoring her and instead talking to Emma about some art exhibit that they had both seen at the Guggenheim. Caroline put her thumbs into the sides of her underwear and was about to pull it down when a family came out into the clearing in front of her. A child screamed and Caroline hastily covered her chest and ran to hide behind the nearest bush. Unfortunately, she somehow disturbed a beehive on the tree near her, and everybody gasped as the swarm started following her around. Caroline threw her arms up and ran around, screaming as those poor bees stung her. The mother in the family covered her children's eyes, and the footage ended abruptly as Richard turned the TV off.

Charlotte was the first to say anything. "I feel like there's a really good joke in here somewhere."

Richard snapped his fingers. "They just wanted to greet their queen bee."

"They just wanted her to bee-have!"

Jane softly scolded them. "We shouldn't mock her. Caroline is in a lot of pain."

"I can't think of another pun."

Charlotte shrugged. "Me neither. Oh, well. Let's get some food. I'm starving."

The group followed Charlotte out of the room but Elizabeth just stood, contemplating her decision to come on this show. She thought that between her obvious reluctance to be here and Darcy's thoughts that she was "nothing special" that getting eliminated would be easy. But she wasn't counting on these women to make her look sane and perfectly rational. _Fuck._


	8. The Crazier, The Better

**Beta'd by the lovely Ivy2010 :)**

* * *

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

― Albert Einstein

* * *

Elizabeth mumbled and scooted away from the warm body. "Stop snoring."

The warm body snuggled further into her side and Elizabeth was pushed even closer to the edge of the bed. "You're hogging the bed. Stop it."

The body moved even closer to Elizabeth until she was in danger of being pushed completely off her bed.

"Athena Darcy! This is a queen side bed. Stay on your own side!" The dog finally awoke and began wagging her tail and slobbering all over her pet sitter. Elizabeth giggled and scratched Athena's belly. "Why is it so impossible to stay mad at you?"

In response Athena barked and ran towards the door. Elizabeth got the hint and picked up her leash. "All right, all right. Let's go to the guest cottage to get you some food."

* * *

Meanwhile in the library, two people were having a conversation of a different sort. Unlike Elizabeth, Darcy _could_ stay mad at the person he was talking to.

"Hey, Will," Charles questioned his friend nervously while tugging at his collar, "who do you plan on eliminating tomorrow?"

Darcy responded with as much sarcasm as he could muster. "I know Louisa and Caroline are both delightful women, but I-"

In an uncharacteristic move, Charles cut his friend off. "You can't eliminate both of them."

Darcy stared as his companion with naked horror in his eyes. "What are you talking about? When I agreed to this you said I could choose who I wanted to. That was a part of the deal."

Charles looked at his friend with sympathy, and to be honest, a little fear. "I know I said that, but I honestly expected the other women to be a little bit… dramatic."

Darcy raised an eyebrow at his now ex best friend. "You wanted to put me in a house with a bunch of daft women and now you're disappointed that most of them are normal?"

"Well when you put it that way…"

"Charles Bingley!"

Charlie held his hands up in defense. "Look, you know as well as I do that this show depends on all the tension between the contestants. Usually they fight like rabid animals over the bachelor, but this time it's like they almost don't like you…."

"Thanks, Charlie, that really means a lot to me," Darcy deadpanned.

"You know what I mean, Will! It's normal for there to be backstabbing and catfights. But the only two women that want you are Louisa and Caroline. And to be perfectly honest, I think it's more like a competition between them than anything else-"

"Get to the point."

Charles breathed deeply and looked at his friend with worried eyes before continuing. "You can't eliminate both Louisa _and_ Caroline. Without them, we would have little material for the show."

Darcy rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "You don't even like confrontations, Charlie. I thought, if anything, that you would be happy when they're both gone. Remember that time when Richard and I yelled at each other because he accidentally lit the couch in our apartment on fire and you broke it up by yelling, 'Who wants cookies?'"

Charlie shrugged innocently. "It worked, didn't it?"

"Only because Richard gets distracted by anything related to food. Then when you couldn't deliver on the cookies, he got so mad you had to hide from him for a week while he ate every single piece of food you owned. Then to top it all off, he got sick from eating too much!"

"You don't understand, Will!"

"What, Charlie? What don't I understand?"

"I'm sick of this show!"

Darcy stepped back in shock at Charlie's volume. Charlie almost never yells. In the ten years they have known each other, his best friend has raised his voice exactly one time.

Nobody talks about that day.

"But I thought you loved this show. You're always talking about the 'wonderful' people and the love they share."

Bingley scoffed and his eyes began to tear up. He slouched back on the couch and looked up at Darcy. "Their love? Bullshit. You know how long the last couple's marriage lasted? Two weeks. Literally, half a month. When I first started producing 'Burning Love' I was excited. It was about people finding a deep connection that they otherwise couldn't have. But as soon as you start filming these people turn into lunatics. The women go off the deep end and the men grow egos so big I'm surprised they can still manage to sandwich themselves into a doorway."

His friend awkwardly patted him on the back in what was supposed to be a comforting way. Bingley cringed. "Why are you still doing this? You're independently wealthy; you could quit anytime you want."

Bingley glanced at Darcy out of the corner of his eye. "The network promised me that if I got a bigger audience this season then they would promote me. I'll be working on this sitcom. The actors they have lined up are fantastic and the writers are hilarious. I want this so bad! I just need to survive one more season."

Darcy looked at Bingley closely as he slowly sat down next to him. The poor man looked as if he was about to tear up, and Darcy couldn't stand it when people cried. It made him feel helpless. Comforting people was not his specialty. Angry people were easy to deal with. Sad people were out of his league.

"What do you want me to do?"

Bingley looked at the man beside him and clasped his hands together in a begging gesture. "Just eliminate either Louisa or Caroline, and keep the other one on until there are only two women left. That way you don't have to choose them as the final contestant, but they'll still be on set for a long time. Can you please do that for me?"

Darcy felt as if he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He had the ability to make his friend's dreams come true, but he would have to suffer through a couple of weeks with the bat-shit crazy Malibu Barbies. He vaguely wondered if he could somehow bribe the network Bingley worked for.

He grumbled in acceptance of Bingley's plan. But then, a brilliant idea formed in his head. Darcy could almost feel the ethereal light shining on him as angels sung. "What if they left the show by themselves? Wouldn't that be dramatic enough that we would have no need for them to stay?"

Bingley snorted, and just like that his good humor was restored. He wasn't made for negative emotions. "I highly doubt they would voluntarily leave the show. If they did, I think that would actually be excellent material. But good luck with that. Caroline's almost starting to resemble a leech in my mind." Darcy rubbed his arm and he had to agree with Bingley's assessment.

Bingley turned to Darcy and the gratitude was evident. "Will, I owe you big time."

Darcy patted his friend on his shoulder. "You do, Charlie. You owe me a lot."

* * *

After dropping Athena off with James, Elizabeth came back to her room to check her phone.

"Please read your emails."

Elizabeth groaned at the text message from her assistant and picked her laptop, only to realize she didn't have Wi-Fi access. The little box prompting her to type in the keyword blinked at her and she exited the room with her laptop in hand, hoping to find someone who knew the password. Elizabeth headed to the kitchen to find Mrs. Reynolds, but she was nowhere to be seen. Elizabeth then walked towards the library and spotted Darcy on a love seat, staring off into space with a book perched precariously on his knees and plotting ways to get the crazy people out of his house. _Maybe if I become a bee keeper…_

"Darcy?"

Darcy jumped and the book made a loud noise as it tumbled to the floor. He made no move to pick up the book, but instead focused all of his attention on the woman in the doorway. Elizabeth was a little unsettled by his intense gaze. _What's this guy's problem?_

"May I help you, Elizabeth?"

"Yeah," Lizzie responded while making her way to him, "I need the password to access the internet. I have a couple of work things to do."

"It's 'Pemberley'."

"Oh, is that where you work?" Lizzie asked him with genuine curiosity while typing the company name into her computer. She had considered applying for a job there when she graduated, but had thought better of it when she realized she would have to leave Texas. Do people even say 'y'all' in Florida? Oh, the horror of correct grammar!

Darcy snapped Lizzie out of her weird thoughts when he said shrugged and said, "Sort of."

Lizzie rolled her eyes in exasperation. _Can't I just get a straight answer?_

"What do you mean?"

"I own it."

Elizabeth leaned back in shock. "You own one of the largest accounting firms in the United States?"

Darcy replied with a condescending tone, or at least Elizabeth thought so. Darcy was just thinking about how proud he was of his company. "It's _the_ largest. And yes, I do."

Elizabeth was blown away by this news. Pemberley was the Google of financial firms. It was rumored that their main branch had nap pods. Nap pods! They had an office in every state and thousands of employees. _No wonder this man is so pompous._ Elizabeth grudgingly admitted that if she owned a multi-billion dollar corporation that she might be a little arrogant…. Okay. A lot arrogant.

"But you're so young!" Elizabeth blurted out in a confused voice.

Lizzie's statement made Darcy a little defensive. When he first took over, people had constantly questioned his authority due to his age. "My grandfather started Pemberley. And obviously I don't oversee every single aspect of it, just the big picture. I am perfectly capable of performing my duties despite my youth."

Lizzie ended the conversation with a nod and began responding to emails. Crawford seemed to be making progress with Rushmore, and she couldn't be happier. Mansfield, the firm Lizzie was proud to claim she worked for, could use this big account.

"Holy shit, Lizzie, you have to see this!"

Lizzie jumped at Charlotte's boisterous exclamation. That woman was spending too much time with Richard.

"What are you yelling about, woman?"

"Just come here!" With that statement, Charlotte forcibly pulled Lizzie off the couch and down the hall with a bewildered Darcy trailing behind them.

"I was sitting with Richard in the living room when Caroline came in looking for Darcy. Her eyes are still really swollen from yesterday. Between that and the fake eyelashes I guess she had trouble seeing. Anyways, she sat down next to Richard and I'm assuming she thought he was Darcy because they next thing I know she practically sits in his lap and starts stroking his arm. I think Richard went into shock. It's hilarious!"

The group picked up their pace and barreled into the living room. Sure enough, a still very red Caroline was plopped in Richard's lap. Richard's eyes were open wide and his mouth was open and closing without releasing any sound. His face eerily resembled a fish. Elizabeth was scared for his sanity.

Caroline ran her finger up his chest and seemed to be in the middle of a rant. "And then that nurse had the nerve to ask me to quiet down! Could you believe her, William? If they had just brought me organic food like I had asked for, I wouldn't have to ask for her supervisor. Then Charles actually apologized for me. I mean, like seriously? Who does he think he is? You would have defended me, wouldn't you William?"

A strangled cry erupted from Richard's mouth, but Caroline just nodded as if he was agreeing with her. Elizabeth made a move to walk towards them and stop the madness, but Darcy stopped her.

"Let's not be too hasty here."

Darcy rubbed his hands together in ill-concealed glee. _Payback time, bitch._

Darcy, Elizabeth, and Charlotte watched in fascination as Caroline droned on and on about the previous night.

"Ugh, and those hospital gowns! They should be considered illegal by the fashion police. Green is _so_ not my color."

Richard finally broke out of whatever stupor he had been in and unceremoniously dumped Caroline on the ground. "I don't care about the color of the gowns or the horrible lighting! You, a grown woman, should know better than to expect a five star meal at a hospital. Those poor nurses! How did you survive a whole night in there without one of them trying to kill you? You should've thanked them for not slipping some deadly chemicals into your I.V., you overgrown baby!"

"You're not William!"

"No shit, Sherlock! And you're a horrible human being! I sincerely hope you never reproduce. Do the world a favor and never get knocked up."

Richard stomped off and ignored the giggles coming from the group across the room. Caroline tried to follow him and yell at the same time. It didn't go well for her.

"Owwww!" Caroline yelped as she ran into the coffee table. Elizabeth again made a move to help, but Charlotte stopped her.

"Let's not be too hasty here."

Charlie and Jane ran into the room.

"Why is there a cat in the house?" Charlie scratched his head as he completely overlooked his sister, who was lying on the ground mere inches from his shoes.

Jane pulled Caroline up from her position on the floor and started helping her towards the doorway. Caroline half-heartedly pushed Jane from her and straightened up, walking out of the room in a huff.

"What happened to her?" Jane questioned innocently.

Elizabeth and Charlotte laughed so hard they had to lean on each other for support. "Nothing much, Jane. Just some good old Karma."


	9. The Second Ceremony

**Beta'd by the lovely Ivy2010**

* * *

"I led the revolution in my bedroom

And I set all the zippers free.

We said no more war, no more clothes

Give me peace, oh, kiss me."

-"Hurricane" by Panic! at the Disco

* * *

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Elizabeth sat in front of the gigantic TV in the living room, shoving popcorn in her mouth and yelling at the screen as Rhett Butler leaves a distraught Scarlett behind.

"Why are you both idiots? Dumbasses could be happy, but no! You have to be dumbasses."

"Lizzie!"

Popcorn flew through the air as Lizzie felt the warm breath on her neck.

"Jesus, Charlotte! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Charlotte guffawed at her friend's expression as she sat next to her. "Calm down. Why are you watching this anyway? Shouldn't you be working or something?"

Elizabeth scoffed at Charlotte's hypocritical nature (she hadn't taken another case since the show started.) "I'm studying."

"For…"

"Ways to get kicked off the show."

"What? Lizzie, that doesn't make any sense."

"Yes it does. Think about it, Charlotte. 'Gone with the Wind' is like the Civil War era version of 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 days. Except it took a little longer for Scarlett.''

Charlotte snickered. "It might be a little difficult for _you_ to get eliminated. I think Darcy has a little crush."

"I think you're delusional."

"I'm serious, Lizzie. He's always staring at you. If he wasn't so hot it would be creepy."

"Sometimes I forget how superficial you are."

Charlotte stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Not superficial. I just have very high standards."

"You must be happy is Richard is cute."

Charlotte exaggeratedly fanned herself with her hand. "Whew, that man. He makes me want to-" she cut off her sentence, slapped her arm, made some sort of weird hand motion, then shimmied.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you just did."

Charlotte shook her head. "You poor, sexually deprived girl. It means-"

Charlotte was interrupted from her explanation by the very man they were discussing. "Good. You two are together. It's confession time. You guys are the only contestants who haven't voluntarily spoken to the cameras."

Lizzie whined, "Do we have to?"

"Yes. You can even go first, Lizzie."

"That's not exactly an incentive, Richard."

"Maybe not. But…" Richard paused dramatically and held up both Lizzie's and Charlotte's cell phones, "you don't have a choice."

"You thief!"

Lizzie moved to grab her phone but Richard held it above his head. "Oh, the woes of short people. All I ask for is five minutes. And I have to be in the room because Charles doesn't trust you enough to actually talk to the camera."

Lizzie huffed, signaling her displeasure. "Fine. But you're on my shit list, Richard Fitzwilliam."

Charlotte responded by kicking him in the shin. "Ass."

* * *

"Why don't you start by telling me what you think of Will? Has your opinion changed at all?"

Elizabeth tapped her chin in thought. "No… not really. I know Mrs. Reynolds gave him a stunning recommendation, and both you and James seem to like him, but he still gives off that 'jackass' vibe. I don't _hate_ him, but I don't exactly like him either."

Richard nodded, but felt the need to input his opinion. "Will's a really great guy. He's a little antisocial, but a very loyal friend. He would do just about anything for the people he loved."

"I'll have to take your word for it."

"He has a very dry sense of humor, but he's funny once you get to know him. He also donates to many charities and has very good genes-no heart disease or dementia-"

"Richard! Why are you telling me this?"

Richard struggled for a good reason for sprouting out random facts about his socially awkward cousin, but failed to come up with anything. The truth would have been out of the question. _Hey, just to let you know, I think my cousin may actually like you. But you don't exactly return those feelings, so I don't see this working out well. If it helps, he's brought you up in conversations multiple times. With him, that's similar to drooling over someone. You should be flattered, damn it!_

Instead he sputtered, "No specific reason."

"Are we done now?"

"No. Now you have to badmouth- I mean, talk about- the other contestants."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. They certainly talk about you."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "I sincerely doubt that. I bet they mostly talk about themselves."

Richard refused to admit she was right. In fact, Louisa had talked about her split ends for twenty minutes yesterday. You know how hard it was to sit through that footage? Very.

"Fine. You can leave if you want to. Here's your phone, and will you please send in Charlotte?"

Elizabeth gleefully took her phone and went outside. "Your turn."

Charlotte groaned and walked past Lizzie, pouting as she sat down. "Let's get this over with."

"We'll just start where Lizzie left off. What do you think of the other contestants?"

Charlotte shrugged. "Some of them are okay. I like Emma, even if she thinks she knows everything. Marianne is nice enough. Louisa is probably going to be gone after tonight, so my opinion of her doesn't really matter."

Richard began shaking his head. "There's no way Louisa is getting eliminated tonight. Caroline is much worse."

"Nuh huh. At least Caroline has an agenda. Louisa is crazy just 'cause."

Richard leaned forward and smiled deviously. "Want to place a little bet?"

Charlotte copied his stance. "Name your terms."

"Ladies first."

"If Darcy eliminates Louisa tonight, you have to streak around the entire house."

Richard chuckled. "That's really unoriginal, but deal. And if I win, you have to do the same."

Charlotte held out her hand. "It's a bet."

* * *

Mrs. Reynolds looked at the empty bottle in horror. Will was going to kill somebody. That man was usually the most level headed person in the room, but this was pushing it. She took a deep breath and marched to his office, timidly knocking at the door. Mrs. Reynolds had known William Darcy since the day he was born, and he treated her like a second mother, but she was still wary as she opened the door.

"Yes, Lisa?"

His housekeeper silently held the empty bottle up.

Darcy stilled. "Please tell me that's not what I think it is."

Mrs. Reynolds nodded.

"That scotch was 70 years old. It cost me $300,000. I was only going to drink it on special occasions."

Mrs. Reynolds looked at the man with pity. "I found it in Louisa's room."

Darcy had been debating between eliminating Louisa and Caroline, but this had decided it for him. "Thank you. I'll take care of it." Mrs. Reynolds left the room.

* * *

Later that night, all the contestants were gathered in the living room, ready for the second elimination. Bingley turned towards the women and announced, "Before the eliminated contestant leaves tonight, I would just like to say that you are all winners," leaving enough time for Charlotte to loudly cough "Bullshit!" and look at Louisa, who was currently drooling on Jane's shoulder, before continuing. "Unfortunately, there can only be one."

Lizzie leaned over to Jane and whispered, "That sounds very foreboding. Is he going to kill us?"

"Will, are you ready?"

Darcy nodded and cleared his throat before taking the first rose.

"Elizabeth." Lizzie looked around in surprise before stepping forward.

"Will you accept my rose?"

Lizzie was very confused by his eager tone, but agreed anyways.

"Emma."

"Jane."

"Marianne."

"Charlotte."

Everybody looked between Caroline and Louisa, and Darcy cringed at the thought that one of them had to stay.

"Caroline." Caroline looked smugly at an almost passed out Louisa before strutting over to Will and picking up the rose. Charlotte gave what she thought was a subdued cry. "Victory is mine, Richard!"

Bingley walked over to Louisa, who was leaning against the wall, and shook her shoulder while yelling, "Louisa! Wake up!"

Louisa rubbed her face and knocked Bingley's hand away. "Not right now, Hurst, I'm not in the mood."

Bingley quickly backed away with a look of disgust on his face. "Sorry, Louisa, but you're eliminated from 'Burning Love.'"

Louisa rubbed her eyes with her fist and squinted at Bingley before angrily questioning him. "What did you say?"

Bingley stepped back and started inching behind Richard. "You're eliminated?"

Louisa turned to Darcy. "After all we've been through together you dump me just like that? What about your son, huh? What about Willy Jr.?"

The response from Darcy was the most emotion Elizabeth had ever seen from him. His face contorted in disbelief and hands flailed about as he defended himself against the outrageous accusation. "We have never had sexual relations!" His body then shivered as if emphasizing his point. "And what do you mean after all we've been through? I've known you for five days."

Marianne's brows scrunched up in confusion. "Weren't you complaining about your period yesterday?"

Louisa turned to Darcy. "If you're going to kick me out, I demand alimony."

"No, that doesn't make sense."

"Child support?"

"No."

"Twenty dollars?"

"No! You already owe me over a quarter of a million." That sobered Louisa up.

"How about we just call it even?"

Darcy pointed towards the door. "Out."

Louisa huffed and flattened her blouse nervously. "Fine. I'll just go back to my job!"

This time it was Caroline who spoke up. "You work?" she questioned while twirling her bleached hair around her finger.

Louisa looked at her like she was an idiot. "Duh. I went to dental school, remember? We've been friends for years! You went to my graduation!"

Caroline stared at her absently while everyone else in the room quieted. Louisa continued, not noticing the shocked expressions of those around her. "I've been a little stressed because of this lawsuit a patient is filing against my practice. One of the newbies screwed up. How hard is it to pull out the right tooth?!"

"But…" Emma paused, trying to figure out how to diplomatically phrase her question.

She failed.

"Why do you act stupid all the time?"

At this point Louisa looked a little ashamed. "I just got caught up in the atmosphere. It was nice to be irresponsible. I can definitely understand why you eliminated me, Will. I'll just get my stuff and go then." She turned to the rest of the contestants. "It was really nice meeting you guys. Bye!"

The room was still bewildered by the turn of events. Louisa was smart? Everyone was thinking the same question… What the hell just happened?

* * *

One hour later, Richard stood on the pool deck.

"You ready for this, ladies?"

Charlotte and Lizzie lounged near the doors leading to the living room. "Just take your clothes off and stop procrastinating!" Charlotte replied. Darcy, hearing Charlotte's odd statement, came outside in time to see Richard turn towards the backyard and start stripping. Richard looked over his shoulder and winked at Charlotte, wigging his backside in the process.

"Like what you see?"

"Stop stalling and start streaking!"

Richard laughed before he started a slow jog and turned around the corner of the house. Darcy muttered, "He always makes this so easy," before grabbing Richard's clothes and gesturing for them to follow him inside. Once they were inside he locked the doors and stood back.

"I don't know why he always forgets about this part."

Lizzie snorted at Darcy's statement. "Does he do this often?"

"Back in college most of the campus knew what he looked like naked. He was arrested for public indecency a lot; in fact, the campus police knew him by name at the end of our freshman year. It was usually from a dare or losing a bet, but sometimes he did it for fun."

Richard came back around the house only to find his clothes missing and instead of being angry he sauntered up to the French doors and casually leaned against it. "I don't care. I'll just chill out here."

In the middle of flaunting his carefree attitude, Richard completely missed Will's rapid hand gestures telling him to cover himself and the girls' laughter.

"Richard Lee Fitzwilliam!" The angry voice made Richard pale, and he hurriedly hid behind a chair.

"Mrs. Reynolds! What a pleasant day it is. I was just out for a stroll-"

"You perverted boy, I'm going to call your mother!" Lisa took out her phone and started going through her contacts.

Richard panicked, reached over the chair, and took her phone. "No, you can't do that! It's all Will's fault!"

Mrs. Reynolds attempted to take her phone back, but Richard was too quick and started running around the yard. Lizzie looked over to Charlotte, who had her phone out, and was currently recording the elderly woman chasing around the nude man who was screaming, "Please don't tell my mommy!"

"This is so going on You Tube."


End file.
